Hiding my Imperfections!

If anyone wants to watch Anna Saccone's video please do. I'll leave a link here and below but honestly, this post isn't necessarily about that topic.

I don't know if you read one of my previous Thursday Thoughts about the SacconeJolys too, click here if not, but I talked about how "celebrities" often hide things from the public and their viewers but this video honestly surprised me. I've watched pretty much all of Anna's videos so I knew that she had an eating disorder when she was a young adult but the fact that she was still going through it and throwing up multiple times a week even after having the children shocked me to the core. It's also kind of scary that they managed to hide such a massive part of their lives from the world for so long.

I think it's great that she has seeked help and admitted to having a problem but I also feel kind of cheated. I know that's a terrible thing to say because it obviously has nothing to do with me, it's her life and I'm happy that she has the ability to choose what she wants to share and when. At the same though, there are so many people that look up to her and have admired her over the years. Luckily, I have great people in my life and I'm a lot older than a lot of their viewers. Some others aren't so lucky. Some people are much younger and naive - not in a bad way! - and truly think Anna and Jonathan have this perfect life. I feel like the past 4 years have almost been an act which makes me said because I've always loved the family for being themselves and truly staying grounded.

I am glad that she has now shared and been very open about what she has gone through though. I don't take that for granted. No one has forced her to say anything. She has chosen to use her strength in recovery to share with supporters and hopefully be able to help others in the future to prevent others from suffering the same fate for years and years. Illnesses like this are always best treated quickly and stopped from going further. I do now genuinely admire her honesty, I just hope people don't loose faith and trust in the vlogging channel for the facade that they have been showcasing for years.

I've not dealt with the same things she has and I could never imagine myself with an eating disorder...but some of the things that she mentioned about having a purpose made me really emotional. Of course, I've been following her and her family for almost 5 years so I feel a real connection anyway, plus I've met them twice and I've loved them both times.

Purpose. Before I started blogging, 4 years ago, I was very introverted. I wasn't in a happy place and I wasn't very happy. I kept a lot of things vented up and I didn't really have any outlet to open up and be myself.

A few months ago, I got asked on the street what was wrong in my life and after a while of thinking about it, I said nothing. He continued to push me and gave me options but honestly, I stand by my answer. I'm not perfect by any means and my life is far from perfect but I have a loving and supportive family, friends who would do anything for me and a goal. I know what I want, I know how to get there and with hard work and determination I can do it.

Back at this time last year I had no idea where life was going. I was at my lowest low and I was depressed. I wouldn't say I was clinically depressed and I would never want to take away from people that suffer with it severely but I was depressed somewhat. I didn't leave the house for almost a month, I didn't really speak to anyone and I honestly, didn't want to. I also hid from the world to some extent and I think I was pretty good at hiding it but at the same time I'm sure my family noticed something was a little different.

I know everyone deals with things differently but I needed my space and needed no one to know. I knew I would get past it and overcome it, I just needed time. I honestly think blogging helped with that. I have a personal blog where I write a diary entry every day and I wrote down what I needed to get out there. I found that seriously therapeutic.

I would just like to say thank you to my readers, my viewers, my friends and my family for your constant support, love and attention. Most of all thank you to this blogging platform for providing me with somewhere to express myself and to be myself. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be open and honest not only with you all but with myself.

Sometimes I really shock myself with how opinionated I am and some of my favourite posts are actually these posts where I write down purely my thoughts. I get to speak my mind but not only that...I speak from my heart. I never know where these posts are going. I start with a topic and they go off on tangent after tangent and end in this place that makes me feel so secure within myself and it's a total release for me. I sometimes joke that this is a type of therapy for me but it's not a joke. It really is. This is so incredibly therapeutic for me and I would honestly recommend it to anyone. You don't have to post it publicly but having somewhere to write down your own thoughts and just be true to you - I like that! - is such a great way to relax or de-stress after a long day. To anyone questioning it, do it!

And remember: just be true to you!