Massive Life Update: Raw, Open and Honest

It's been a while since I've written a big life update so this post is defintely well overdue and there is so much to share. I think I've now briefly mentioned little snippets of a lot of information across my different social media accounts, whether that's YouTube or this blog, but I haven't written or explained in depth about each of them and so here I am.

There is a lot to talk through so I really hope even though this post is long, you will stay until the end for some of my most life changing news.

Blog
The most noticeable change has to be this blog! I recently wrote a blog update post but it wasn't quite finished. I wanted to wait to share until the final changes had been implemented but at the time I didn't know how long - if ever! - it would take. As such, I decided to go ahead and announce the changes and continue working on my blog behind the scenes.

Well I've been working away behind the scenes and I am overjoyed at the results. I can't believe how much work has gone into creating my dream blog website but it is now (almost) perfect. You may notice a change in layout, background and colour scheme; my dad inspired the whole design with the picture he took at the IAAF World Championships! But what I've been working on the most is the name of my blog. Surviving Medicine was always about getting into medicine, getting through the years of hard work and emotional turmoil and surviving. While that is still the case, I am still here after all, I wanted to create a more personal environment.

With that being said, my blog is now simply called 'Hannah Elizabeth', my name. I love it's simplicity and the fact it captures me. I've often said my blog is 'My little corner of safety in this scary world we call home' and I've now made that much more clearer within my blog along with my new motto: a place of happiness, vulnerability and self-love. That's what I want this online platform to be about and to share that with others who may be struggling.

On that note, if anyone every needs to talk, I am always here. Just a message away.

Having said all that, what I am most proud of is the face the blog now has a new website and domain address! The only sad thing is that all the blog comments have now gone. I have officially bought the rights to www.hannahelizabeth.org for a more intimate experience.

Welcome to Hannah Elizabeth.

Moving House x 2 
This year, as a whole, has been one for change. Just after Easter my father let me know he was selling his home and moving to Wales. This honestly came as quite a shock to me, given that I thought he was in his forever home. Since he's done so much work and spent so much extra money, I'd assumed it would be there he would babysit my children one day. A couple of days ago, it became official that he'd sold his house and bought his new one. I am really happy for him and now that he is completely retired, his excitement for this new journey is wonderful to see.

Another shock was a couple months later when my mother then said our house had been put on the market. In a way, we had been discussing it for a while, thanks to difficulties in finances, but I never thought it would happen. I never thought I'd have to one day say goodbye to my childhood house. I never thought I'd see someone else living in my home. I honestly can't see it happening any time soon given the fact that we live in the middle of a working farm but nevertheless, the possibility is there and it is kind of scary.

An Engagement
In somewhat happier news, my mum also announced she had got engaged! While her partner and I do not like each other, I am happy for her. I can't stop my eyes from rolling in despair everytime wedding discussions begin - mainly because they don't stop - but she deserves happiness, like we all do. Despite everything, I am happy for her.

Leaving London 
So onto the main life update.

Unfortunately, as much as it pains me to say it, I am no longer attending University College London and I am no longer studying Medicine. After resitting my second year exams, I failed one of the papers and with that, their policy is automatic leaving of the course. In a way it was completely expected. I found this year incredibly difficult and draining. I put in so much work and effort, not leaving much time for myself. I started to question whether this path was the right decision for me and once that mindset started to kick in, I knew my heart was no longer in it. I was devastated a few weeks before the results came out but when it became official, I remember just accepting it.

I kept thinking it hadn't hit yet. I kept waiting for the tears to fall and for my heart to break. But it didn't. I think by that point, I'd already moved on. I'd found new passions and new goals that made me so much more excited and happier than Medicine had made me in years. As hard as it is to accept and talk about, as much as I feel like such a failure and a total let down to all my family, happiness is far more important to me than what others think. Self love is at the core of my writings and the core of my life. I've learnt over the last few years that my health and well being become first, before anything else. It was a steep learning curve but an important one that I had to face head on.

I think it will be hard seeing my classmates graduate as doctors in 3 years time and seeing them all excel in their respective fields. I think it will be hard not to be with them any more, not to see them everyday but thankfully, I know that the friendships that are meant to last, will.

A Change
If you saw my recent posts you will have seen that I have officially received an offer to study Midwifery at the University of Nottingham...and I accepted! I am due to start the course in early January 2018 for 36 months of intense training but I am incredibly exciting. Given the length of this post, I'm going to write a whole post on the process of getting into Midwifery and my decision making process but just know, I am really happy and looking forward to it!

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I knew it was going to be a long one but I didn't quite expect it to be that long! I don't think I even said half of what I wanted to say, plus I still have more news to share but I will share that for another day, another time.

Stay tuned!

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