End of University...Forever?

Growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor. I never questioned how that title would come to be. I wanted to be a doctor of medicine and become either an obstetrician or a neonatologist. I went to university at the University College London to study Medicine for 3 years in September 2014 and then unfortunately failed my examinations, so had to leave and there ended my dream of becoming a doctor...or so I thought. 

Fast forward a few months, I decided to go into Midwifery so I then started Midwifery at the University of Nottingham in January 2018. I ended up finding the curriculum at the university very easy and not very challenging, yet still enjoyable. Due to this, I ended up doing a lot of extracurricular activities and taking on a lot of extra roles and responsibilities. 

One of these was partaking in a research group alongside my undergraduate degree, and I absolutely loved it. I loved the extra skills I gained, the increased knowledge and the experience of doing primary research itself, with the opportunities it brought to publish and present both online and in person. With that came the decision that I probably wanted a career in research going forward, so as I second year I decided I defintely wanted to do my Master's degree after I finished my preceptorship year as a qualified midwife and then my PhD, once again bringing the idea of being a "doctor" back into perspective. 

I applied for my Master's degree shortly before completing and getting signed off my my preceptorship and just as planned, started at Anglia Ruskin University in September 2022. Well, I've now completed it and whilst it's been enjoyable, it's also been very difficult and a lot harder than I expected it to be before starting. I think that's a mix of multiple aspects, with my personal life and mental health struggles, alongside working full time for the majority of the education. It's been quite difficult to stay on top of at times and I know that the work I have submitted has suffered as a result of it. 

Now, I would still love to say that I am 100% going to be doing a PhD but in all honesty, I'm ready for a break. I would still like to do research or teaching at some point in my career, but I am not sure at what point that will be. I also don't feel like I can do it whilst working clinically full-time, let alone when I have kids, especially without the support of my employee. Starting my career, I was told that I would be funded to do my Master's through work and they would roster it one day a week within my hours which is something I had specifically requested at my interview. When the time came, this was declined and they basically acted as though there was no record of the conversation which was really frustrating and therefore obviously impacted on my experience. 

At the moment, I have no plans to leave practical midwifery. Although more recently I have lost my passion a little bit because I keep getting moved or pulled, or having students which can be deflating, or simply because of my illness and sickness, I have ultimately found myself enjoying clinical midwifery more as a qualified midwife than I ever thought I would as a student midwife, therefore I would really like to stay in it as long as possible. 

For now, the PhD is on hold, and for the first time in a long time, I think I may indefinitely be done with university. Considering I've been to three different universities for three different degrees, that feels so strange to say but I would really like to just focus on being a normal midwife for a little while and hopefully settle back into the role for a couple of years before making any further career decisions.