2022 Rewind

January is the time for new beginning for a lot of people, but it's also a time for reflection and a chance to look back at the previous year. In all honesty, I want to do nothing else but forget the 2022 year, but I also think it's good to take the opportunity to look back and to be able to remember not just the sad times that I currently dwell upon, but also the highs of the year that I need reminding of. I love looking back on the version I did for 2021, with both the brief paragraph and the pictures, so I think it's a really nice opportunity to summarise. 

The year started off somewhat setting the expectations of the year. I felt really poorly, full of cold and completely alone. Luke had tested positive for Covid-19 a few days earlier and there was a shortage of PCR tests, so I was isolating home alone until I could get tested and return to work myself. I took a quick trip back to Wakefield and got in lots of puppy snuggles, then had a sister reunion towards the end of the month, celebrating Christmas round 2 and 3. 

February was all about family visits for my little sister's birthday and house offers. I think I ended up viewing 3 different properties and putting an offer in on two. The first was rejected, but the second was accepted and slowly the process of buying my first house began. Whilst it's hard to look back on now, I also celebrated Valentine's Day properly for the first time. Both Luke and I had the weekend off, so we meandered back to Nottingham, stopping for brunch and then enjoying a very fancy 5 course meal. I also finally got my band 6 promotion at work! 

Another few days off called for a visit to see my oldest sister. We enjoyed a lovely weekend elf hunting and going to a drive through safari. It was so nice to watch Luke bond with my family, especially seeing him with the kids which doesn't come super naturally to him. In between shifts, I went for a few dog walks with my cousin and also got to enjoy some double dates with friends. It was also the month I got accepted into my Masters course.

April was an interesting month. We started off by having a lovely day trip to Newstead Abbey and it was the first time we'd spent together in a few weeks. After one of the most perfect days of the year, I worked 4 days in a row and then felt awful with the worst migraine. I ended up going for a PCR and testing positive for Covid-19 which absolutely sucked, so of course, I was then alone again for another 2 weeks. Of course, it ruined our anniversary once again and for the 3rd year in a row we weren't together. We did somewhat have a re-do a couple weeks later, but it wasn't quite the same. Luckily, I was out just in time for a very much belated holiday with family and friends to Portugal

I always seem to love extracurricular activities and looking back on last year, I think I probably over did it a lot, but May was the start of my Early Career Leadership Fellowship "Nightingale", as well as my new role as staff representative on the Nursing and Midwifery Board. I headed back to Wakefield to meet a new family addition with Freya joining the farm, plus we celebrated one of my cousin's engagements at a beautiful venue and saw lots of other family members. At the end of the month, I flew to Rotterdam to join Luke and then we had a mini break in Amsterdam together. 

A trip to Wales to visit my dad was the first point of call. It was super busy, but very pretty, with the majority of the time spent in the garden. My friend Hannah came over and we celebrated the Platinum Jubilee, before I went to the farm to celebrate my birthday a little early and also my cousin's birthday. Luke and I had a date day, with segways, a walk and blindfolded driving. Then the next week, we went on a hen party weekend to Oxford. Sadly, it was also the weekend Luke and I broke up and everything started to go a little downhill. 

I really struggled with the break up and even though I officially ended it, I really thought he would fight for us and he didn't, it was just accepted. I tried to distract myself with a visit to my sister's for my nephews birthday and I had lots of fun playing with the kids and setting up a tattoo station but it was anything but easy. The week after was the Yorkshire Show and of course, the family barbeque as well which was lovely to see everyone but I must have told about 20 people that Luke and I had broken up, and each time it just got harder and harder. 

August was the month I officially moved into my new house. In all honesty, what I thought would be one of the most exciting times of my life was darkened and left me feeling alone, vulnerable and I didn't want to be alive anymore. I was in a really dark place and I didn't think I would get through it at some points. I would cry almost constantly and everything that could go wrong, pretty much did. It was also the most eventful and busy month of the year with my cousin's wedding reception, some of my closest friends wedding and my graduation...all during the summer heatwave and moving week. 

In September, I started my Master's degree and also had a lovely sister's reunion in Wakefield, where we took the kids and dogs for a walk around Newmillardam. I loved having them in familiar to me places. Mainly, the month consisted of work and house renovations

Again, October was devoted to the house and I think I used it more so as a distraction. I also through myself into Bumble and started speaking to lots of different people and going on quite a few dates. Halloween was meant to be my first holiday party in the new house, but with the utility room still a disaster, I instead went out for a meal which was a little disappointing. 

It was the last week of October and first couple weeks in November where things started to take a turn for the better finally. I felt the house was finally finishing, I saw lots of friends and family, celebrated Bonfire Night and even welcomed a new baby into the family. I also was talking to a guy that I really liked and he was the first person I felt a physical and emotional connection to, I really started to fall for him. I would stay up so late talking to him and message all day. I would have a smile on my face the majority of the time and then things changed after we slept together. 

The year ended with a sister reunion of sorts, a family celebration and a work Christmas party. It's also when my mental health started to plummet again and I really struggled. I woke up and cried, went to work and cried, came back from work and cried, went to bed and cried. I was - and still am - really down the majority of the time. It didn't help that my plumber cancelled on me again, not just once, but twice! I did at least get annual leave for Christmas this year so I started it by going to the Christmas pantomine, market and lights at Wollaton. Although, it wasn't great to go alone, I felt like I was at least getting myself out there. Christmas itself was filled with highs and lows. Let's just say family drama isn't easy when I was already vulnerable and struggling. 

And that's the end of the year. It sounds like I did a lot and had so much fun, but in all honesty, I could probably count of 2 hands the number of days I didn't cry in the last 6 months and even in the first half of the year, I was still very upset and took it out on those I loved and love the most. I don't even think I can pick a true highlight because each day, no matter how happy of a day it was, was filled with dark moments and they are the ones my brain is focussed on. I really hope 2023 is better for me.